Playing Badminton with Myself
Elisa Morgan
I threw the birdie overhead and raised my racket to hit it over the net. It soared above my head, higher and higher as I ran to the other side of the court to meet it when it flew back down. Just in time, my racket once again met the shuttle and sent it sailing back in the air.
Back and forth I ran and hit, ran and hit and ran and hit, somehow ensuring the birdie never fell to the ground. I was playing badminton with myself, wheezing, sliding, dodging, making it work.
My brother had finally received a liver transplant after a three year wait where his health declined daily. As his chief caregiver but many states away, I spoke with him every day of those three years, scheduling his appointments, overseeing his meds with his onsite caregiver who stopped in daily to supervise him and doing my best to keep his spirits up while his body wasted away. We’d put together a team of friends and family who, once he received the call that he would be getting a liver, would spring into action, taking turns to provide care for him in person, 24/7 for the projected months long recovery.
While I wasn’t needed to be personally present every moment after surgery, I wanted to be there as much as possible and I had to carefully supervise the rest of the team, keeping them updated on the ever-changing routine of meds and care.
And so…I flew to his bedside in California and memorized the details in the two-inch binder of directions. I called person after person, updated Caring Bridge and checked in with his nurses and docs. Then…I flew home to Denver where I spoke at a large donor event, recorded podcasts for Our Daily Bread Ministries, played in the pool with my grandsons, lunched with my daughter and daughter-in-law, collapsed with my husband in front of a show and slept. Then…I flew back to my brother and repeated what I’d done before. And…I flew to Grand Rapids to record more podcasts and videos. And…I flew back to Denver for MOMCon and spoke. Then…I attended board meetings and search committee meetings for the next president of Denver Seminary. Then…I took a walk in the fall glory, met a friend for her birthday and wrote a few devos.
I’ve been playing badminton with myself.
As I review the past few months, I’ve come to understand why the birdie so faithfully stayed in the air, awaiting my stabbing efforts. A lot of it was up to me. I was determined and committed to run back and forth from side to side with my racket ready and aimed. But I understand that there was Another overseeing the timing of the birdie’s flight, pausing it just so, poising it over head, releasing it to meet my racket just as I raised it in my own effort. God held the birdie, slowed its process, sped its downfall, all so that my racket might meet its mark and send the birdie back into flight. And he brought others in to take a turn – my sister, two dear friends of my brother’s, my husband, a local helper, the provision of airline and hotel miles and so many praying friends.
The game will go on for a few more months and then shift to a different sort of effort, as do most things in life. I will fly back to Grand Rapids for work and then home to Denver. I will soar back to my brother and then back home. I will speak and write and grandmother and wife. I will lose sleep and then catch up again. All as the birdie is held overhead for me to run to reach.
Back and forth. Back and forth. While I may feel like I’m playing badminton with myself, there is actually Another playing with me, orchestrating, enabling and ensuring that the birdie stays in flight and reaches its intended target. Day after day after day.
Elisa Morgan is the cohost of the podcast, God Hears Her. She is also the cohost of Discover the Word and contributor to Our Daily Bread. Her books include,You Are Not Alone, When We Pray Like Jesus, Christmas Changes Everything, Hello, Beauty Full, and The Beauty of Broken. Connect with Elisa @elisamorganauthor on Facebook and Instagram.
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