Eeeesh! Letting go of control is such a challenge! Barb Roose offers help for us all.
Elisa
Letting Go of Trying to Control
By Barb Roose
My 23-year-old daughter rented a new apartment a few months back but only had two days to pack and move before she had to report back to work as a NICU nurse. The pressure was on!
On the first moving day, I showed up at her old apartment, which looked like a crime scene. Her clothes and belongings were tossed everywhere, and my beautiful girl stood in the middle of her living room with wild eyes while running her hands through her waist-length curly hair. She kept looking around at the disorganized mess; I could tell she was stressed. It was time for Mom to come to the rescue!
I grabbed my phone to type out a note because I'd lost my voice due to a cold. I showed her the note: Honey, what would you like me to do?
Surely she would ask me to wave my magic Mom wand and make all her moving problems disappear. Instead, my daughter handed me a box and said, "Take this to my new place."
As I carried the box, I figured she would feel the pressure the next day and ask me to step in and save the day.
When I returned the next day, her apartment was still a disaster. Now, I was stressed. She only had one day to finish moving. I began worrying that she'd have to pay extra fees and that she wouldn’t have time to sleep before working her 12-hour shift at the hospital. I still couldn't talk, but I typed this message: Would you like me to help you get all this together?
My daughter put her hands on her hips and sharpened her eyes in a steely gaze. "Mom, I'm a NICU nurse, and I keep preemie babies alive for a living. I can figure this out."
How could she not want my help? I held a little pity party inside my heart because I wanted to step in and save the day. Yet, I sensed God's divine timing in losing my voice so my words wouldn't mess up my relationship with my daughter. If my words were working, I would have convinced her to let me take over. Instead, losing my voice was a blessing because it helped me stay out of my adult child's business.
There’s one word that explains why we're often in other people's business: Fear. We don't want something terrible to happen to the people we love. As women, we're wired to protect the people we love, fix what's broken, and try to get things back on track. However, when we're afraid, it's easy for us to find ways to grab control of the situation instead of stepping back to see what God might be doing in their lives.
Have you ever tried to fix or control a situation and had your well-meaning suggestions or actions backfire? We discover that other adults (especially our adult kids!) do not like it when we try to control them, even when they make choices we don’t agree with. On top of that, playing God in other people's lives is exhausting. We can barely run our own lives. So what do we do?
First, we must remember that God cares about our loved ones more than we do. Second, God cares about you, too. The weight of your stress and worry is too much. God knows you can't carry it without hurting your heart and health.
The good news is that this is where God offers you the opportunity to experience the power of surrender. In 1 Peter 5:7, we're instructed to give our worries and cares to God because he cares about us. God knows who and what you're worried about, and he can handle that weight because you can't.
Surrender isn't giving up on your loved one or giving into hopelessness. Instead, the power of surrender is choosing to give over your attempts to control and invite God's presence and power into the situation.
Ready for an action step? Let me share a beautiful short prayer you can pray right now: God, I can't, but You can, and I will let you.
When we let go of what we can't control, God's peace replaces our worries while we wait on him to do whatever is best for our loved ones.
Barb Roose is a speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous so that they experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives. She’s the author of multiple books and Bible studies. Her latest Bible study is Stronger than Stress: Developing 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm. She’s the proud empty-nest mom of three and whenever possible, Barb prefers to eat dessert first. Connect with her at www.barbroose.com, or on Facebook, Instagram, or X (Twitter).
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